I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
