I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
