I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
