I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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