I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
