think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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