Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
