R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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