I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
