And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
