I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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