You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
