yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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