Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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