I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
