got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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