I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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