just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
