I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
