So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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