dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
