I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
