You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
