The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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