So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
