The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
porn star boner night. come get it.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
