would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
