It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
