Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize