She's JV to your varsity
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
He uses pillows to masturbate.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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