You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
