I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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