We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Randomize
