i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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