my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
