My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
