she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize