Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
