My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
