That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
