Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
