i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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