Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
