I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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