He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
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