i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
