Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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