she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
