The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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