The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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