why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
