I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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