11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
