Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
