My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize