I wish I could teleport
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
