Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
