Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
