I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
