I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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