quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
