Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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