sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
