I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
