Christians are straight up FREAKS
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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