THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
