What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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