That's when you crack a 10am beer
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You have to summon your inner elephant
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
