i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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