i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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