whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
