Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
