What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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