My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
