I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
