sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
