Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
We have so much sex to catch up on
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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