I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
