had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
