She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
