I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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