They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
