well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
i now understand why vodka
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
