There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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