Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
