I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
