i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
