Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
