I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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