Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize
