Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(789): View more from

If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.

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(440): View more from Ohio

he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously

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(775): View more from Nevada

they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.

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(269): View more from Michigan

I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.

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(703): View more from Virginia

like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.

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(303): View more from Colorado

Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?

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(541): View more from Oregon

Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.

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(253): View more from Washington

I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex

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(919): View more from North Carolina

This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs

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