I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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