I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
